A bit of babbling...perhaps not the most "happy" of posts, but it's honest!

I leave for the DR in 40 days. 40 days. A long time that is really short! Am I ready for this? Can I leave my home with my family, friends, and church and start a new life? I'm so excited...excited to be there, that is. The process of getting there is what's killing me. I KNOW it will happen and everything will turn out fine, good even, but saying good bye to people who have played a huge role in shaping me and growing me, packing up my life into 3 suitcases...these are these things that trigger a sinking, almost desperate feeling in my stomach. I can reassure myself that it's not good bye but see you later and I can tell myself that it's just things, but my heart still heaves at the thought. And while Operation: DR Prep is rightly consuming my thoughts and time, my heart longs to sit and drink coffee with dear friends while we laugh about the frivolous and share about the deep; to read a book that expands my love for my dear Jesus and makes my heart sing with how personal and good He is to His kids; to play with my nephews and chat with my family and the cares of this world won't crowd around us. What is this ache I feel? Honestly, I can only guess and hypothesize about what it is and how to fill it. So for now, I cling to what I know about Jesus' character and plan for me and keep putting one foot in front of the other, tenaciously and desperately trusting that He will give strength and "settledness"  where all I see is weakness and upheaval.