I've been thinking a lot lately about learning. More specifically, why I have to keep relearning lessons that I've already learned (and wondering what my teacher is thinking when I don't remember a certain lesson) and wishing I didn't have to learn and make mistakes and fail to get to the finish line, all while trying to remember all I've learned so that I don't mess up and forget the things I've supposedly learned. Yes, if you are thinking this is ironic because I'm a teacher, you'd be right, but God saw fit to teach me a lesson on this very thing using my parents' dog, Baby.
I'd just picked Baby up from the boarders and he was sitting on the couch with me. He didn't seem to need anything even though I offered him his favorite treat and the chance to go outside. After about 20 minutes, I went into the bedroom to work on something while he lay (sleeping, I thought!) on the couch. After about 10 minutes of silence, I hear a little bark, him saying "Umm...shoot! I've lost that human again! Where are you?!!? Did you leave me all alone?" I replied kindly, "Baby, it's okay, I'm in here!" (Yes, I know, I sound like a parent talking to a little child. Bear with me, please!) Baby didn't come into the room I was in, but didn't continue to bark, so I figured that he was settled out on the couch. Another 10 minutes go by and he comes into the bedroom a few minutes before I left. As I walk out to the living room, Baby stays in the bedroom. That's when I noticed the couch. It was very plain to see that Baby had indeed needed to go outside earlier. I got somewhat frustrated at first and said, "Baby...!" thinking that he knows better and why didn't he let me know he needed to go out (he usually will let us know he needs to go outside). Baby heard me say his name and comes slinking out into the living room and I could tell on his face he knew exactly what he did and that he knew he deserved to be scolded. When I saw him with his head down, I softened, remembered that he'd been abused before coming to live with my parents and has always been skiddish no matter how much we've loved him. So I just called him over to me to pet him and love on him. He SLOWLY made his way over to me and I just pet him and told him it was okay. He wouldn't even come close to me at first, but ever so slowly he would stretch so that I would keep petting him. He's now sitting/sleeping on the couch next to me with his nose inches away from my hand.
That's when it hit me. I'm kind of like Baby. I didn't want to go to God and admit I made a mistake and will make many more mistakes/fail many more times for fear that He'd be angry and upset that I still don't do what I know to do or "I forgot what I had already learned". However, while I'm trying to think of other options to get out of feeling like this and wondering what I could do to make God not be upset with me, God was calling to me and asking me to come and let Him love on me. He wasn't mad, He understood, He LOVED me. Oh, that I would be quick to come to Him all the time.
Please note: This is an analogy! I know I'm not a dog and God isn't treating me like one.
Please note: I've not been abused, don't worry!
